Well....Well... Spring break has come and gone along with my mind. Why have I lost my mind? Well to be frank I never had one, but maybe the fact that I had three cups of caffeine this week or that I almost died twice might contribute a bit. Who really knows? I don't.
At the beginning of the week it was great! I didn't have school. I saw my friends. But I also had an asthma attack and well that puts a real downer on the situation. I mean it was only inconvenient for the night, but oh my goodness are they annoying. You're probably picturing me wheezing and coughing like some possessed hyena (ahh what a mental picture) but no. My asthma takes the more silent approach. When I have near death situations I become quiet and calm which is ironic because even though yes I can pretend to be calm, I am never.. ever.. quiet. I probably won't even be quiet when I'm dead. You might be thinking, "but Cherry thats not possible.. you're dead?" Girl I'll record myself reading coupons if thats what it takes to talk beyond the grave. You can't get rid of me that easy. I'll haunt your cabinets.
A few days after my first near death experience I made a trip to my salon. Now first of all I love going to the salon. They make you feel beautiful and pampered. Oh its wonderful! However I was planning this trip to just be short and sweet. No hair dyeing or root touchups just a trim. Snip Snip and then boom out of there just like a drug deal. It was supposed to be a simple easy trim but I came across a factor that I could not account for.. caffeine.. You see the night before I had been with my friends and I stupidly thought it would be a good idea to get a frape... ya know.. just a little caffeine to get me through the night.....There is a reason I do not drink caffeine... I can't handle caffeine just ask my friends. They will attest to what happens to me on caffeine. Its not pretty. I can't be trusted on it. So anyways I am driving to the salon all determined while listening to One Direction of course. I'm not superstitious its just I have to listen to them on the way to the salon otherwise I'll get a bad haircut. I'll be 90 and still be jamming to some 1D on the way to the salon. But I don't care. I don't take chances with my hair. But anyways like I was saying I was on a mission to get a trim but the moment I turned my vehicle into the salon driveway something came over me. It was like I was hit with the Holy Spirit. (It it was probably the caffeine,) But I needed to dye my hair! So I did. Black and violet. Its mainly just black with a little violet in to keep it rich. I also then had another cup of caffeine at the salon because why learn from your mistakes if you can just repeat them? Just another day kids just another day.
So this all leads to my second near death story. Today it was nice and sunny out and sometimes in the sun my hair looks a bit violet. So as I was walking to my mode of transpiration, the Buick aka grandpa cruiser, I was trying to turn my head to look at my hair, but since it was kinda windy it was a bit difficult. So there I am looking like an idiot trying to see what color my own hair was (while still struggling to get to my car) when this car next to me starts pulling out an almost hits me! I could have died! I mean granted he was probably only going 2 mph at this point but still I could have been incapacitated! I was just minding my own business looking at my hair and I almost died! That would have been it. I would have died just walking to my car because I got distracted by my own hair... not someone else's hair.. no my OWN hair.. And y know what.. I didn't even figure out what color hair I had... what a waste of a near death experience.. This is why I need adult supervision. This is my life kids.
Well thats all I have fore today Loves,
Queen Diva Out.
Stay Fly,
Cherry XOXO
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Jingling of the Bells and All that Jazz
Ho! Ho! Ho! It is Christmas! Yes, the day we've waited for all year. The day that is held to such high standards. The day that you wake up and then a few hours later the festivities are over... I mean lets be real here for a second if we have christmas commercials that play for months and unrealistic expectations for holiday perfection, why can't we celebrate it for at least a week? Christmas is too short. I love Christmas, and the day seems to disappear too quickly.
(Unlike you mainstream whipper snappers we celebrated Christmas yesterday, January 3rd, so don't be crushing my candy cane.)
This year my whole immediate family was in attendance. That hasn't happened in a few years due to the fact that siblings have moved away so it makes it difficult to get everyone together. ah logistics.
This was also the first Christmas with my niece and nephew. (Technically this is my niece's first christmas ever since she is only two months old but small details.) I love being an aunt, and christmas shopping for your niece or nephew is so much more fun! Everything is smaller and cuter. You just want to spoil them with everything. Your wallet may not agree, but you do.
So yes, once again my house was invaded by relatives. I love my family, but I had finally gotten the bathroom arranged just right. Now multiple people are using it and messing it up instead of just one person...me. Now I don't care if you mess up the great room or the kitchen(its not like I use the kitchen anyways), but do not mess up my bathroom. I like having all of my beauty products and lotions in the right place otherwise I end up being late to an occasion because I take forever rearranging the chaos left by others. Being fabulous is a process. You can't just have someone come in and mess up the fab. Not cool.
Holidays can be stressful (not that I should know I'm not really in charge of anything.) But there are many ways to cope with holidays. I have a few ways.. only 3 really so maybe you shouldn't be listening to my advice. You see I'm more of a hot mess than a functioning adult..well a hot mess minus the hot...and double the mess. But who cares? Lets not get stuck in christmas pudding over small details like my lack of sanity. This is my advice on how I live my life during the holiday season. Its not the best...but its all I've got.
No. 1 Never put the lights on the christmas tree, have someone else put lights on. For example choose a brother or family member who doesn't enjoy decorating, but be in complete control of the ornament enhancement portion. (If you give someone an annoying task, they won't volunteer to do more decorating. This step is very important for ornament control.) This is very pivotal moment in tree decorating. It will make or break your christmas tree. Remember to hang your basic beautiful bulbs and color coordinated ornaments first, then add the touch of family ornaments! You don't want to be to carried away with the handmade ornaments, otherwise it might make your tree look a bit bulky. I mean really the only person who appreciates your homemade gingerbread man which resembles chuckie after a chainsaw accident, is your mother.
No. 2 If you at any point feel overwhelmed and stressed, embrace it. We have all at one point found ourselves sitting in a dark corner going full Adele on all the presents we need to buy but can't afford. "Never mind!! I'll find someone like you!!!" But don't worry you burst out those Adele lyrics. You don't have time for shame or sanity during the holiday season. Or maybe you can take the T Swizzle approach and just shake it off. Because nothing solves debt and desperation like thrusting your body around in an awkward turkey like fashion. You normally end up looking more like you're having a Benny Hinn experience than shaking off your problems. And trust me having a body shaking healing experience is never a good way to start the holidays.. people tend to think you are dying. Its unfortunate.
No. 3 I firmly believe in avoiding the real problem in any given situation. I hate conflict. I like to avoid the problem until it eventually goes away or it completely consumes your life so the pathetic mess, that you have always been, is exposed to the public. It's not pretty folks.. not pretty. But someone has to be the poster child of "how not to deal with responsibilities," and that just so happens to be my job. If your problem gets too stressful to deal with just go hide in your nephews tent fort and watch netflix. Normally by the time your family has figured out where your "adult" self is hiding the situation will have been resolved. No need for you to get your tinsel in a knot. Its just holidays folks.
As you can see I have great holiday stress handling skills. (I am still waiting for Oprah to call and have me on her show. I could expound so much wisdom to the masses.) So if there is anything you need advice on or topics you want me to cover, just ask. I am always up for giving inexperienced but fabulous advice. I think its my true calling in life.
Queen Diva out.
(Unlike you mainstream whipper snappers we celebrated Christmas yesterday, January 3rd, so don't be crushing my candy cane.)
This year my whole immediate family was in attendance. That hasn't happened in a few years due to the fact that siblings have moved away so it makes it difficult to get everyone together. ah logistics.
This was also the first Christmas with my niece and nephew. (Technically this is my niece's first christmas ever since she is only two months old but small details.) I love being an aunt, and christmas shopping for your niece or nephew is so much more fun! Everything is smaller and cuter. You just want to spoil them with everything. Your wallet may not agree, but you do.
So yes, once again my house was invaded by relatives. I love my family, but I had finally gotten the bathroom arranged just right. Now multiple people are using it and messing it up instead of just one person...me. Now I don't care if you mess up the great room or the kitchen(its not like I use the kitchen anyways), but do not mess up my bathroom. I like having all of my beauty products and lotions in the right place otherwise I end up being late to an occasion because I take forever rearranging the chaos left by others. Being fabulous is a process. You can't just have someone come in and mess up the fab. Not cool.
Holidays can be stressful (not that I should know I'm not really in charge of anything.) But there are many ways to cope with holidays. I have a few ways.. only 3 really so maybe you shouldn't be listening to my advice. You see I'm more of a hot mess than a functioning adult..well a hot mess minus the hot...and double the mess. But who cares? Lets not get stuck in christmas pudding over small details like my lack of sanity. This is my advice on how I live my life during the holiday season. Its not the best...but its all I've got.
No. 1 Never put the lights on the christmas tree, have someone else put lights on. For example choose a brother or family member who doesn't enjoy decorating, but be in complete control of the ornament enhancement portion. (If you give someone an annoying task, they won't volunteer to do more decorating. This step is very important for ornament control.) This is very pivotal moment in tree decorating. It will make or break your christmas tree. Remember to hang your basic beautiful bulbs and color coordinated ornaments first, then add the touch of family ornaments! You don't want to be to carried away with the handmade ornaments, otherwise it might make your tree look a bit bulky. I mean really the only person who appreciates your homemade gingerbread man which resembles chuckie after a chainsaw accident, is your mother.
No. 2 If you at any point feel overwhelmed and stressed, embrace it. We have all at one point found ourselves sitting in a dark corner going full Adele on all the presents we need to buy but can't afford. "Never mind!! I'll find someone like you!!!" But don't worry you burst out those Adele lyrics. You don't have time for shame or sanity during the holiday season. Or maybe you can take the T Swizzle approach and just shake it off. Because nothing solves debt and desperation like thrusting your body around in an awkward turkey like fashion. You normally end up looking more like you're having a Benny Hinn experience than shaking off your problems. And trust me having a body shaking healing experience is never a good way to start the holidays.. people tend to think you are dying. Its unfortunate.
No. 3 I firmly believe in avoiding the real problem in any given situation. I hate conflict. I like to avoid the problem until it eventually goes away or it completely consumes your life so the pathetic mess, that you have always been, is exposed to the public. It's not pretty folks.. not pretty. But someone has to be the poster child of "how not to deal with responsibilities," and that just so happens to be my job. If your problem gets too stressful to deal with just go hide in your nephews tent fort and watch netflix. Normally by the time your family has figured out where your "adult" self is hiding the situation will have been resolved. No need for you to get your tinsel in a knot. Its just holidays folks.
As you can see I have great holiday stress handling skills. (I am still waiting for Oprah to call and have me on her show. I could expound so much wisdom to the masses.) So if there is anything you need advice on or topics you want me to cover, just ask. I am always up for giving inexperienced but fabulous advice. I think its my true calling in life.
Queen Diva out.
Stay Saucy,
Cherry XOXO
P.S. A sign you might be from Wisconsin is if at your family christmas dinner, you spend a large portion of it discussing cheese and the great things of Wisconsin. We are Wisconsinites. We are loud. We are proud.
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